Hiatus alert

This will be the first official hiatus I'll be taking. Gotta take a break for a while before updating anything. The past few weeks with projects and exams has taken a toll on me. While I bask in the sun during the weekend, I hope to get a tan that makes me look healthier. Heh. As well as think about what to do with some other stuffs. Wish me luck in whatever I have to do. I'm tired. *sob* Thanks guys!

What the *toot* happened?

What happened to my freaking alignment? Blogger is so screwed!

Westlife Face to Face in Singapore!

Just 2 weeks ago, I listened to Westlife songs (only!) for 1 whole week throughout that week to rush the final presentation. No 3 doors down, no The Click Five, no McFly, no nothing. Just Westlife! And their songs really calmed me down and made me really relaxed that tense week. I made a casual comment to my boy that if Westlife were to come to Singapore to hold a concert for the second time, I would definitely go and watch them. YEAH!!!! They heard my cries! Westlife - Face to Face 8 September 2006, 8pm I want to go! I want to go! I WANT TO GO! Anyone else keen to go? *pouts* Cos I doubt my boy will want to go with me.

Similiarity between home and exams

The exam period is here again. My first paper is on a freaking Saturday. But no big deal since I could go back to school for project on National Day. I kinda thought of an equation that involved my title for today. Study = Stay home Stay home = Eat more Eat more = Become fat ∴Study = Stay home = Become fat - - - - - - - - - - Damn tired now. Nothing can get into my head at all. Suddenly I miss being a kid. The only stress we face was probably winning in playing the brick game. - - - - - - - - - - Last night, I was sitting on the floor in the living room, having supper (see lah! eat again!) and watching TV at the same time. Then I saw a baby lizard crawling on the floor towards the TV from my direction. I tried to scare it away by going near it. In the end, I took out the Baygon insecticide and sprayed it. It crawled under the standing fan and I didn't see it come out again. This morning, I wanted to adjust the fan by moving it but I remembered the lizard might be underneath. So I didn't. Eeeeww. What if I squashed it while moving the fan? - - - - - - - - - - I was taking breaks while studying just now. My break was to surf Yahoo Auctions. This time, I'm looking for long wallets. Anyone knows where sells really nice long wallets? So anyway, my mum saw what I was doing and came to kpo. She then asked if there were handbags for sale. I searched for her and she practically shoved me aside so that she could be in front of my laptop. She proceeded to look at the handbags on Yahoo and only concentrated on LV, Gucci, Coach, Prada, Burberry, Dior, Chanel etc. She didn't give a heck on those cheapo brandless ones. So many times she asked me if this particular bag looks nice. I replied "Nice. But don't suit you lah! Too young for you." You know what she replied? "I also want to look young ma."

I forgot something

There! Supposed to put it up in the post how my National Day was spent but I forgot! Starting to really love full length mirrors! The one in my wardrobe is way too slim. I look fat in it. I hardly get space to see my whole body in it. -_- Might consider getting a w-i-d-e-r full body mirror but my room is kinda too full now. Still wanna put a tv and water cooler in my room. Maybe I might build a toilet in it as well. And I shall not leave my room a single step when I'm home cos I've got everything I need. Whahahaha! So many things to put but such a small room I've got. Yucks! By the way, I need a new table for my room. Any cheap and durable deals?

My life is nowhere near perfect

Ever since young, I had family problems. My parents quarrelled all the time, even til now they are still quarrelling. My sis and I hardly talk because of our age gap and our personalities are totally different. We never even had a "which guy is cuter" talk before or shared the same thoughts on which shirt is nice or whatsoever. Young kids at my time have lovely families to have weekend picnics with, have "how was your day" talks with their families, annual vacations and stuff. My childhood was more of a nightmare. The things that I could recall from my childhood were only quarrels and yellings and fightings I see from my parents. In the middle of the night I would wake up to find my parents fighting and all I did was cry and shout for help. Then when it came to primary school, my dad pampered me a lot by writing excuse letters for my absence just because I was too lazy to go to school; sign my exam papers; drop by at school because I forgot my lunch money; chauffer me around wherever I wanted and rushed down to school and sent me to the doctor because my friend cut my hand with a scissors and I was bleeding badly. The memories of my dad being the wonderful papa were limited but they are still strong in my mind. What caused the change in my dad? How come he never brought me out for weekly movies anymore and spent his money on dinner with his 'friends' instead? Why did he search for other means of entertainment when his family was waiting for him at home? Why did he waste his whole life by living each day just like that? Why did he even changed to such a person? Secondary school was the peak of everything. People say secondary school is the best part of a person's life. You have your friends and memories to journey through the rest of your life. But secondary 2 was when I broke down and cried over my friends. It was also the time that Aasta passed away. There were lots of difficulties I went through to face the fact that she would never come back, even though I dreamt of her coming back to life many times and I wished I wouldn't wake up. I was in depression. It wasn't fair for me, at that age, to lose someone so close, someone whom I was closer to than my own family. I wasn't in the state of handling death situations, nor was I mature enough to see what was really going on. Plus the pressure at school and friends matter took my life to the edge. I almost gave up on life and everything. But I wanted to show everyone that I could take it. I wanted to let my mum be proud of me in everything I do, but it only led great disappointments to her and myself. Poly life isn't that great either. No matter how hard I work, I got results that I didn't expect of. No matter how much effort I put into projects, all I got was disappointment in myself. I couldn't do anything right. All I did was to drag my groupmates down into the pit with me. But they pulled themselves back on track quicker than me. Me? Still down in the pit. After each project, I just fall deeper into the pit instead of having the strength to pull myself out. Disappointment is what I feel most when I get no support from anyone. Sucky to be in such a situation but I had no choice. Mum wanted me to continue my studies after the diploma. I wanted to start working instead. She was disappointed, I was upset. She pushed me even further and I fell even deeper. Everyone is pressurizing me. Why isn't anyone understanding me? Sounds childish I know. But it's the time where I will breakdown in tears and lead myself into depression once more. And it's the time where I will coop myself in the room and wait for a miracle angel to visit me and tell me to get back on my feet once more. It's just another obstacle in life. I wished I had a perfect life. But too bad, there's no such thing as perfect.

The Outburst

Warning: This is gonna be long. Lots of bitching to do. Blogger is so screwed up. I've been trying to post photos up for a few days already. Unfortunately, all I've gotten was lots of waiting and disappointment with Hello and Blogger's image uploader. Forget it! In the end, I uploaded my photos to my dusty-old-cob-webbed-filled photobucket and managed to put up photos that I longed to show. *huge sigh of relief* Anyway, the final presentation was over on Thursday. Lots happened and I was kinda struggling to deal with the emotion mix. Come to that later. Photos first! - - - - - - - - - - National Day 2006 Bet you guys were either out watching fireworks, having dinner, staying home tuned in to NDP on tv or watching NDP live. Guess what? I spent my country's birthday in Ngee Ann Polyfuckingtechnic. But it was alright cos I had my friends with me. We had no means of lunching in school cos it was a public holiday and only ill-fated students like us needed to go back for projects. So we ordered home school delivery from Brinda's, a restaurant that serves indian cuisines. Yum! It wasn't fun taking photos of people's arses. I ran ahead of them and they posed this for me. Haha. Cooperative leh. The path to the collection point. Lots of construction going on in school now. I believe a part of my school fees constitutes this. There! Brinda's right at your door step. I was kinda expecting them to come in motorbikes, but they got quite a lot of orders so the box thingy at the back of motorbike couldn't fit. 5 packets for 5 hungry people. The others opted for Mac instead. Boring... I was trying to take a photo of the delivery man. He thought I wanted to take the van so he wanted to step away. I told him to pose, and he did. Haha so cooperative! Nice smile you've got there, mister. The rice is probably 4 times more than the muslim stall I always buy from. And the chicken is buried in the rice. Plus, a coleslaw and pumpkin dunnowhat as side dishes and curry sauce! *drools* Just $5.00 for this. And I couldn't finish my food. =( Syahriah ate with her hands. Felt so at home wor. I wanted to eat with my hands too (wonderful experience), but nails too long. Consequences: yellow nails. We worked on our projects till about 8pm before we headed home. I reached home and ate instant noodles. There! That's my national day celebration for you. Pathetic. - - - - - - - - - - Alright. Back to the previous topic on the struggle with emotion mix. Fun, sadness, anger, panic, struggle, confusion, theurgetoslaphermouthshut, all kinds of emotions I felt during the project period. I experienced thurgetoslaphermouthshut more than any other emotions. It all started with a really uncooperative group member who is our shitty group leader, unfortunately. Why didn't we assign another of us to be group leader, you ask? Get to that later. Introduction first. Initially, this girl was sitting alone in class on the first day of the semester. We kindly asked her to join us (Ok. The US here refers to Su Lian, Syahriah and me.) cos the others were in their groups already. I felt bad about leaving someone out, so yeah, I 引狼入室 (invited the wolf into our comfort zone). Or you can say she's a 披着羊皮的狼 (wolf in sheep's skin). In order not to feel bad, I made my friends (and me!) suffer. Sorry. This semester actually started off easy. The normal assignments and presentations were part and parcel of poly life. However, this semester had this integrated project that kinda sucked most of our energy and caused pimple outbreak and the darkening of my eye area. Things were going well among us and the new girl. We talked and laughed about everything. Everything went well until the week after our post-test break. We learnt that our leader got committed to something else outside school and sorta drifted away from the group. And suddenly, she became bossy and stepped all over us. She assigned us tasks that we couldn't handle alone while she stole the credits. This went on for the next few weeks. Tasks were assigned. We did our job. She made new changes. We had to start all over. She made changes again. We started all over again. She worked independently instead of cooperating with us. She made decisions without discussing with us. More of a one-man-show for her except that behind this one-man thingy, 3 other people are slogging away to produce results. What does she do? Make more changes without our consent and claimed it as hers. She enjoyed pushing responsibilities too. Oh yes, about why we didn't assign another leader is because She insisted that she be leader for all modules la. Then easier. We thought that Leader was just a name and she really wanted to eased things for us because no matter what, the group works TOGETHER, not FOR the leader. But hell no! She made use of this name to be in total control. I'm the kind of person who voice out whatever I'm not happy with. But my 2 other friends choose to keep quiet. Or maybe they just don't bother arguing with her. So the one arguing with her will be me alone. Completely alone. No backup at all. But I could take it. I'm pissed, I say it. Not keep it inside. At least that makes our lives easier when she knows that we're not happy.

Then she started to make things difficult for my friends instead of me. I think somehow she knew that I wasn't a person she could mess with. There were a few times when tutors asked her questions and she couldn't answer, she pointed her finger at either of us and expected us to clean her ass. Tutor 1: So how's your website coming along? She: *points finger at me* It's with her. (continues msn-ing) The tutor then came to ask me about it loh. Fuck! Another time, the tutor asked her something about a report we did. Tutor2: Why did you include [insert a computer term] into your diagram? She: *points finger at Su Lian* Erm... That's Su Lian's part. Big fuck!

**At this point of time, I'm fuming. Baby, sorry if I used too many fucks in this post. Too angry you see?**

I told myself so many times to forget about it, it's just a small problem. But no! She was going overboard. For the presentation, she assigned the 3 of us to present on the powerpoint slides that took barely 10 minutes out of the specified 30 minutes. The last 20 minutes of the presentation, she single-handedly constructed a live demonstration of our website. Not a big deal, you think? The website was created by she and me as well! But she wanted to do the demonstration on her own, hinting to us that she did the website alone and she deserved the credit! She even mentioned "I presented de website (which is done by mi!!!)" in her blog.

Fucking pissed! The worst thing was just 10 minutes before our presentation, the 3 of us were busy going through the powerpoint slides and She offered to help us fill up our peer evaluation forms that looks like this.

Click to enlarge After a while, she filled up the forms and covered them faced down and told us she graded for us already. I was shocked at first cos the evaluation was supposed to be done by OURselves. But I thought maybe she gave us all the same grades, which was fair, so I didn't ask her about it. While we proceeded to the waiting room before our presentation, we went through last minute rehearsal and stuff. Then I saw our forms, still faced down, in front of her and I caught a glimpse of it from the back and saw this. Feel absolutely free to enlarge this picture to see what She did! If you guys understand the meaning of peer evaluation (which actually means I evaluate my peers on MY own, not letting a 3rd party evaluate on my behalf), what She did was seriously an awful act of dishonesty and fuckery! Instead of just grading us on her own form, she graded FOR us on OUR forms! She didn't even let us see or touch our own evaluation forms! What fucking shit is this? I was super pissed when I saw it. She was still trying to cover the dirty work she just did to us! Luckily I saw it! I sms-ed Syahriah and Su Lian while She was going through the presentation with them. When they saw the sms, they were confused at first. I explained everything I saw to them after the presentation and man, they were furious! We stayed back (She left the very minute we ended) and decided to report this to our tutors, hoping that justice can be made. We told our advisor and he said he would let the other tutors know. We even submitted a new evaluation formed that WE filled up on OUR own. Syahriah was like "I never see people help me evaluate before loh" and Su Lian was really pissed lah. We were so angry I swear I could kill someone! It wasn't as if we didn't do our work! We did our part and contributed as much as She did and we definitely deserved getting a better grade. We don't deserve getting a B after all the effort put into the website which of course was changed by Her to make it look as if She did the website. All these bitching may sound confusing to some people but if She is reading this right now, I've got something to say. FUCK YOU BITCH! I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL FOR STEALING OUR CREDITS!

One last time

I wish this is the last time I ever cry, especially in front of you.

Crashing the night and meeting a haha cabby

The past week was indeed busy, busy, busy. We were kept occupied with school projects that could probably kill a million brain cells. The whole class (except for some lazy arses that didn't contribute) had a tedious night doing up our shopping cart for our website on Wednesday. I swear I've never felt so shagged exhausted before. I could easily stay up for more than 30 hours without complaints. This time, I couldn't even reach my 25-hour mark and I'm gone to dreamland. Probably getting older. We stayed back in school on wed, hoping to finish everything before the presentation yesterday morning. We needed the school network in order to do our stuff. At 10pm, the security people came chasing us off. At that time, there were about 20 people left. All were shoo-ed off. We made our way to the atrium, hoping to settle down there to continue our work, but the lights will be out at 11pm. So we moved on to the newly-built student corner. Daryl got into some kind of shit for pointing his ..|.. at the security people. So they started an argument that ended up useless because we still couldn't stay back in school to continue our work. Joey's place was the next destination before going back to school the next morning. We needed to complete our codes and stuff using dreamweaver. But without the school's network, we couldn't do much. So we decided to do our website using localhost. Kinda troublesome because we had to change the connection here and there. Erm... no need to understand what I'm saying if you don't. Ha. Main point is that the security people have screwed up brains. The 6 of us who went to Joey's place had fun, apart from work. A pity I couldn't video down some of the wacky things that happened at Joey's place. At 3am, Joey was half asleep on the sofa with the orange pillow and Sam(on the floor with a purple flower) completely asleep. Hakim seemed to be trying to find a comfortable position to take a nap while the 2 girls, Su Lian and Syahriah continues with work. Busy busy busy. Joey got the comfy sofa. He could have went back to his room. -_-" Ah... Hakim finally got some space for his long legs. But no idea why he woke up in less than 3 minutes and started to kpo around with the girls. Having fun, guys? At 3.30am, everyone was asleep except me and Syahriah. Then slowly Syahriah slipped into dreamland while I doodled around. I slept only at 4.20am. I was up before the alarm rang at 5am. That's like a mere 30 minutes of sleep for me. =( The rest got up as well. We packed our stuffs and got ready to leave. By 5.30, we were at the bus interchange already. We reached school at bloody 6am! That was the second time I went to school so early. The first was in secondary 1 where we had SYF rehearsals. I once woke up at 5.30am for a morning swim with my cousins at Sentosa resorts. Wahahaha! Nuts! We continued our work in the canteen. Had only 2.5 hours to complete our shit before the presentation started at 9am. I managed to get the shopping cart to work a bit but Hakim was struggling with the codes and I couldn't help them. Sorry =( I looked like a walking zombie lah. But no one told me. My dark rings were visible and pimples were all over. Eek! Damn projects! Presentation went ok, I guess. Need to improve on some areas before the final presentation next week. Sleepless nights again. After that, we had lunch in school. I couldn't eat much due to pain in the stomach. Old sickness. Then I had no strength to take a bus home and decided to take a cab home. My cab experience considered a lot loh. But this cabby was really one of a kind. The moment I told him my destination, he started talking to me, all the way till I reached my place. This is gonna be a long conversation. Cabby: Wah! So early finish school ah? Hahahahahaha. Me: Mmmm. Ya. Got a presentation this morning only. Cabby: Now students very good life hor? So early can go home. Hahahahahaha. Me: (I confirm disagree to this lah!!) No lah. Now students also have tough life. We have a lot of projects and assignments to do. No time for personal life. Cabby: You now in what year? Me: 3rd year. Cabby: What course you studying? Me: Business IT. Cabby: I have a child in poly also, hahahahahaha. In NYP, 2nd year. Hahahahahaha. Me: Oh. Cabby: After poly, you still want to go U study? Me: Eh... Dunno leh. See my results how. Cabby: Guys different loh. After poly need to go NS. Hahahahahaha. After 2 years go back study, they sure return everything to teacher already. Hahahahahaha. Still study what? Hahahahahaha. Me: Ya. No choice ma. It's like that. Cabby: Now the people very lucky, can study. Last time people no chance to study one. Hahahahahaha. Study until secondary school also very heng. Hahahahahaha. I think your parents also won't have much education. I study until primary school only. Hahahahahaha. (notice a change of topic here) Me: Last time people need to help out in with the family business or take care of younger siblings. Cabby: Ya loh. Hahahahahaha.Last time people think that women don't need study cos they will be married off one day. Hahahahahaha. (notice another change of topic here) Me: Mm. Cabby: But now women so successful. A lot of women now go drive buses. Hahahahahaha. Or you see a lot of career women. Hahahahahaha. Now got no women stay at home and cook one. Hahahahahaha. All study a lot and go out to work. Hahahahahaha. Me: Ya. Women now are more career-minded. But also depends on if the person academically inclined or not. Otherwise also cannot study. Cabby: Ya loh. Hahahahahaha. The mind cannot study also cannot study one. Hahahahahaha. That's not the end of the conversation. I just couldn't remember anymore after that. Kept hearing hahahahahaha. A bit annoying loh. Considering the fact that I had been up for more than 24 hours and had only 40 minutes of rest. I wanted to shut off when I board his cab but he kept going on and on and I couldn't bring myself to shut the uncle up. And I'm not exaggerating his amount of hahahahahaha. Probably more than that also lah! 11.40am. I reached home, clothes unchanged, dropped onto my bed and slept my way till 7pm. Had dinner and continued with some work. Went back to bed at 2am, woke up 6.40am this morning for a practical test. See lah! Year 3 really no life loh!

Lack of updates

Right. Sorry peeps. Been really lazy the past week, and gonna be pretty busy the next. Don't be expecting any new posts alright? Don't miss me too much either. Heh. *I know someone who will* I'm fine right now, if you wanna know how I've been. Anyway, it's way past bedtime (ya right. like I have one!) Be back with lots of updates. Promise. Bye!